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Love the Person, Forgive Their Mistakes

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As a human, you can either hate the sin or love the person, not both. If you truly love someone, you forgive what they did. And not this popular fake forgiveness where you still hold negative feelings over it, but biblical forgiveness like Christ commands where it's like they never did it. That's also the forgiveness He offers us, where we aren't even considered sinners anymore, but children of God. So long as you hate the sin, you haven't forgiven and the Bible says that love always forgives.

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You may have heard some Christians use the phrase, "Love the sinner, hate the sin." You may have even used it yourself. But not only is this found nowhere in the Bible and is instead credited to Gandhi using it as a criticism of Christians, but it has led to unintended and even intended hurt. So, if you are a Christian who has used this phrase, consider the following.

Christ taught to love everyone; friends, neighbors, strangers, enemies, everyone. Yet, He never said "love the sinner" and only used "sinner" when repeating what the Pharisees accused Him of, which was associating with "those people."

You may think, if someone sins then it's fine to call them a sinner. But Christ did not come to define anyone as a sinner, but to set them free from sin. He separated the actions from the person. How? Forgiveness. This is an example for how we are to treat others.

Because of some Christians, the word "sinner" has a lot of baggage to the point where many people think it means that someone is a terrible person, when in fact sin means to miss the mark and, according to the Bible, all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. In other words, if you call someone a sinner then you must also call yourself a sinner. You can not use the term to put anyone down.

Christ taught to treat others as we'd want to be treated, to put ourselves in their shoes. So, would you want to be condemned for your mistakes and regrets or be given a chance to do better and be forgiven?

See, when the Pharisees labeled whole groups of people as "sinners," they did so to look down on them so they felt better about themselves, not to acknowledge that no one is perfect or good enough on their own to live forever. So, Christ's response was to condemn the Pharisees as hypocrites since they weren't better after all.

Christ compared those they labeled as "sinners" to the sick needing a doctor. He portrayed sin as something that could be cleansed from the soul of the person like an illness or cancer being removed, making "sinner" not the person but a temporary state that could change through Him.

By labeling someone with what they did while hating what they did, we tend to hold negative feelings toward them like anger and resentment and often look down on them as lower than us.  If we hate gossip and label someone a gossip, they are defined by what we hate. So long as we define people by something we hate, hating it inevitably gets in the way of loving them, so we must learn from Christ's example and see who people can be just as He saw who we can be.

This process of separating the person from what they did is accomplished through forgiveness. And, just as we're called to see people as people and not as less than us, we're also called to forgive others.

In fact, Christ very explicitly said you must forgive or you will not be forgiven. And not some fake forgiveness where we hold onto resentment and keep bringing up what they did. The Greek word Christ used means to permanently cast away. So, tell them what they did and forgive them for it.

As a human, you can either hate what a person did or love the person, not both. If you still hate what someone did, you haven't really forgiven them because you're still holding onto what they did. The Bible says love always forgives and love keeps no record of wrongs.

When asked how many times we are to forgive someone who sins against us, Christ used numbers that most biblical scholars agree were used to mean always. In other words, not even keeping track because it's like the past sins never happened once they were forgiven. This is the same forgiveness Christ offers us, where we are no longer seen as sinners and our sin is gone completely.

You may be thinking, but what about those people who don't deserve to be forgiven and have their mistakes and even crimes erased like that? You mean, someone like you? If we're honest with ourselves, none of us deserve the forgiveness of sin found in Christ, but we're told to forgive others as we ourselves were forgiven, not to forgive those who "deserve" it. If that were the standard, would any of us be forgiven at all?

Everyone sins, so Christ taught to resist sin in your own life and forgive those who sin in theirs. See, your own sin makes you incapable of fairly judging others sin. We'll naturally try to downplay our own sins and see others' sins as so much worse. You need to realize you're no better than that person you label as "sinner" and yet God is willing to forgive you. You must acknowledge your own sins and seek forgiveness so you can clear your perspective of others' sins and forgive them.

You may be thinking, but doesn't only God have the power to forgive others for their sins? Only God can remove sin through Christ and we all must repent of our own sins. So, while you may not be able to save someone's soul, you always have the power to forgive someone. In fact, the Bible constantly tells us we must forgive those who sin against us.

Consider this: if you hate or are in some way bothered by the actions of someone else, you need to deal with those negative feelings. They are your feelings inside of you. You are the one feeling them. That means you have the power to do something about those feelings, as they are your own. Do you dwell on the negative feelings and let hate fester inside you, or do you confront the source and help yourself and others at the same time?

It doesn't matter if those negative feelings are about what someone did to you or what someone is doing to others or even what they're doing to themselves. You could hate that someone does drugs. So long as you hold onto that hate, you can't help them. You need to learn to let go so you can help them let go too.

And that's part of the power of forgiveness in your life, releasing what brings you down. Only after you are free can you lead anyone else to freedom.

The first step in this process is to tell someone what they did. They may not even be aware of it or the harm they caused, so this is crucial. Hurt is there to tell you something is wrong so you stop it and are able to heal it. That means they need to know what they did and its result. If someone hurts you, tell them so that they have the opportunity to learn. Now, if they take the opportunity is up to them, but if you forgive is up to you.

But what about those people who will never change? You don't need to hold onto hate to protect yourself and others. Maybe they won't change no matter how many times you tell them what they're doing is harmful, but that's between them and God. It's not in your power to condemn anyone to a lifetime of being stuck in sin. After you tell them, forgive them as you have been forgiven for your sins. Show them the hope and love you've found in Christ. Maybe someday the seed of love you planted in their life will bloom and they'll give up that particular sin. You may not be around by then, but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter. It will mean everything to them to realize they could be forgiven and change.

Imagine if Christ had said "I love you, sinner, and I hate your sin" instead of "I love you and I forgive you." It would contradict His teachings to love as we are loved and to forgive as we are forgiven because He wouldn't have actually forgiven us of our sins if He still hated them and labeled us by them. The hating of a sin is supposed to lead to elimination of it, not continued hatred of it after it's forgiven. So, follow His example and separate the sin from the person through forgiveness.

Once you learn to see sin as separate from a person, something changeable and forgiveable, you'll discover that the reason you hate sin in the first place is because it's separate from love and so naturally you don't want it as part of someone you love. So don't make it part of them. Forgive them with that love instead. Hate is meant to be temporary to lead away from harm, so use it that way. Love and forgiveness is meant to be permanent, so use them that way.

And, finally, give up the phrase "love the sinner, hate the sin" and instead see people for who they can be and forgive them for what they have done.

Quotes from Christ:

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." (John 13:38)


"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." (Matthew 6:14-15)

"Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you." (Luke 6:27-31)

"You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." (Matthew 5:43-44)

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." (Matthew 7:1-5)

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CDYehSalas's avatar
I understand your points but I must ask: Who are we to forgive the imperfections of humanity when we ourselves still sin? Only God can forgive us for our imperfections and sins because it is God who grants us free will. 


You are right when you say that the Bible doesn't say, "Hate the sin, Love the Sinner" but you are incorrect to say "It's not humanly possible to do both." If I am friends with a thief, rapist, serial killer, and dictator, I can still love them as a people but hate their evil actions. Romans 12:9 says, "Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good." A synonym for "abhor" is "hate."


You are right when you say Christ teaches us to forgive. You are also right that we are not God but because we are not God, we cannot forgive them for being human. If we forgive sinners and ourselves for their and our imperfections, we forgive them and us for being ourselves. As you may know, Eve committed the first sin of humanity by eating out of the forbidden fruit. Because of that, sin has been passed on to us so if we are to forgive our own imperfections, we must forgive ourselves for being ourselves when in reality, we must ask God to forgive us for being ourselves because we have no power to remove the wickedness from our souls.


You make a good point by saying that we must put ourselves in the shoes of others but just because we or the other person want to be treated well doesn't mean we deserve it. None of us deserve to go to Heaven, even if we believe that Jesus died for us because we will just keep on sinning even when we are Believers. If I must suffer for being a genocidal dictator, then I have to suffer for that is my choice. I agree we should be the example to being nice with others but when you sincerely care for a person's soul and life, you will tell them the truth for the truth will set them free from their temptations and sins. There is no grey area. There is only good and bad. Read 1st John 1:8

"If we say that we have not sinned, we are fooling ourselves, and the truth isn't in our hearts."


Read 1st John 1:10

"If we say we have not sinned, we make God a liar, and His message isn't in our hearts


You say sins are just imperfections but that does not make sin good for if something is perfect, that does not make it good. By calling sin imperfect, you say evil is nothing but an imperfection. That is false as the Devil is the source of evil. Of course Satan is not perfect but we should not forgive him for being imperfect because Satan is everything that God hates. Don't counterargue by saying, "God doesn't hate." He does hate. If He didn't hate, He would never have casted down Lucifer (now known as Satan) for being prideful and disobedient and Satan is the exact opposite of God. 


You can not say we sin because we are imperfect, you must say we are imperfect because we sin.


Psalm 11:5 "The Lord tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence."


You say if we hate people for their actions we don't really love them but Psalm 97:10 says, "O you who love the Lord, hate evil! He preserves the lives of his saints; he delivers them from the hand of the wicked." 


It is not inhumanly possible to hate sin and love people. Matthew 5:44 says, "But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!" and Psalm 5:5 says, "The arrogant cannot stand in your presence. You hate all who do wrong;" If it were impossible to hate and love at the same time, we would not be commanded to love our enemies while God hates all those who do wrong. He still loves them as they are filled with life yet hates them for their wrong doings.


You say sins are imperfections.  You make it sound like it's no big deal, like a blemish.  You bring down the value of Jesus' death on the cross by saying that.  You are making yourself above God, that you know more than God. That's blasphemy.  A true follower of Jesus will respect Jesus' love and obedience to God. Those sins are what was and is separating us from God. And only by Jesus' blood we are forgiven and come to our Father in Heaven.


2nd Corinthians 5:21 says, "Christ never sinned! But God treated him as a sinner, so that Christ could make us acceptable to God."


You have an example with a drug addict to prove your point. You say, "Similarly, if you say you love a drug addict, but hate that they do drugs, you hate them by connecting them to what they do." That last statement is a lie. You don't hate them for what they do, you hate the action they do as it is wrong. You also call the drug addict a person, not a sinner. Romans 3:23 says, " All of us have sinned and fallen short of God's glory." And yet you say the drug addict is not a sinner. More blasphemy! That even contradicts yourself because earlier you said we are all sinners and then say the addict isn't a sinner. By saying he is not a sinner, you say he is pure. He is not! Jesus Christ is the only pure human!


When I read your statement, it sounds like you're just being technical, no biblical bases.  But it's true to forgive all things with love. You appear to be changing God's Bible, to your teaching.


2nd Timothy 4:3-4

"The time is coming when people won't listen to good teaching. Instead, they will look for teachers who will please them by telling them only what they are itching to hear. They will turn from the truth and eagerly listen to senseless stories.


I don't expect you to change your mind. I have a feeling your opinion will stay the same for a long time! Before you counterargue, know this: You are not arguing with me. For I am merely a messenger. Know that the One you argue with is the Lord God and His Word.